Do You Trust Me . . .

I've been asking my husband for some time now to write a Guest Blog Post
sharing with you a bit of his journey into freedom.  It's my joy to share with you some of his story in reference to my May 5th blog post:

http://www.nitaweldon.com/2016/05/arise.html


In my early 20's I had a prophetic word that the man who won my heart would have to be a man of Stature in the Kingdom of God.  I can say today, that John has become a true man of STATURE in the Kingdom.  This strong, quiet man is a King among men, with a Kingly anointing . . .


"Nita has written a powerful article about her walk through my sexual brokenness and sin in our marriage.  It is raw and not comfortable to read, particularly if you’ve walked a similar journey of cycles of addiction, shame, betrayal, anger, and unfaithfulness.  But, Jesus is our redeemer.  

I strongly urged Nita to write about her walk, even though she didn’t want to expose me and our family to the public attention the article might bring.  I feel that her story needs to be spoken because of the hope it offers, and the testimony of redemption that it holds.

This morning, as I again pondered how to write about my perspective of this walk, I happened to read in Mark 5:19, right after Jesus commanded a legion of demons to stop oppressing the man of the Gadarenes and delivered him from a life of shame. The man (understandably), just wanted to get in the boat with Jesus, and forget about his past life and community, and move on.  But Jesus responded to him:  “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.”

As I read that this morning I realized that is what is in my heart about our story.  I may not like who I was, and the things I’ve done and said as I was under the oppression of sin and shame, and it would be so easy to move on and forget about that painful chapter in our lives.  The truth is, we are moving on, and we have left much of that pain in the past.  But, our story is full of redemption and hope.  God, who is limitless, has brought such healing and restoration that I have to tell how much the Lord has done for me, and how he has had mercy on me.


For Nita, the question Father God asked her was: “Do you love me?”, and His request of her was to love me, as I was unlovable.

For me, the question Father God asked was: “Do you trust me?”.  The oppression of sin, especially sexual sin, brings such shame and isolation that you want to cover up every hint of brokenness and never let anyone see the filth.  But the truth is freedom and healing only comes through confession and repentance.  Confession means to agree with God that my behavior and thoughts were wrong, and that they did not line up with who he created me to be.  Repentance means that I had to change the way I think.  James 5:16 is clear that confession has to do with other people, not just a private communication between God and I.

All healing in my life has come as a consequence of throwing myself on God’s mercy, and confessing my sin in front of other people in my life: my dad, other men in trusted friendships, and Nita.

I had to consciously choose, repeatedly, over the course of years, to trust God, humble myself, and confess when I sin.  It would feel so tidy and nice to say that it was a one time thing and now I’m all good, but the truth is it is an ongoing process.  Where sin abounds grace abounds much more.  From my earliest days of sexual sin and selfishness, God has unflaggingly provided me opportunity at every turn to surrender to him, and every time I did, he brought healing.  There was a long process made longer because I would continually give up ground that was gained.  And truthfully almost every time I backslid it would be further and harder than before.  Every time I fell I would get more discouraged and try to blame God for not “magically” healing me of the desire to sin.  And every time his invitation to me was ultimately: “will you trust Me?”.  

Like Peter walking on water, when I trust him there is healing and hope and I feel invincible, but when I take my eyes off of him and fear, or try to meet my needs myself through self gratification and sin, I sink.  But he is always holding out his hands to me, with the question: “why did you doubt?”

Our story is not over. There is so much to say about identity too as a son of God, and about belonging and the practicality of walking out of secret and addictive sin.  I believe God will continue his redemption in our lives, and we’ll go from strength to strength.  And I trust that Nita’s story, and my story will offer hope, and a testimony of God’s faithfulness and goodness.  No matter how hopeless our situation, He is our redeemer, and he makes all things new."

Eighth Grade Graduate

Our Destiny Hope is graduated from eighth grade!  She keeps asking me, "Mom! Do you realize I am a freshman?"   She knows that I am freaking out at her being in high school next year.  Okay, not really "freaking" but wishing I could pull back time.  Yet, totally touched by the young woman she is and is becoming.

I didn't realize that eighth grade grad was so important, but when Destiny wanted a new dress and shoes and we shopped at four - five different stores and then fell into the Swagger exhausted with no dress or shoes, I realized this is a big event!  

Thinking back - my eighth grade grade graduation was a pretty big deal too.  I
remember, since we did not have a lot of money, my mom often made my clothes for special events.  She had made me a lovely white dress with a sash.  My dad was on a cycling bike trip with a bunch of high schoolers (High School Bible Teacher) and my principal/staff called him home and made sure he was at my event because they thought it was a big deal.  I had been voted by the school student body and staff a prestigious award.

To our great joy, my niece, Petra (one of Destiny's Besties) is here for the weekend.  So, the girls both got ready for the event together.  I had a "hair curling" chair in my bathroom and we primped, curled and dazzled.  It's funny because Destiny does not like much fuss over her appearance.  She wears very little, if any, make-up and does not mess with her hair, so when she does, I'm not always sure what to do.  But by the end of it all, she looked absolutely lovely.  I always pretend to be seriously stern, and joke with my girls (especially Julie) that they can not wear something or do their hair a certain way because it makes them look way too old!  Like a teenager!  They love it!! :-)

Destiny did wonderful with her class presentations, speech and the entire day.  We are so proud of her.  She is blossoming into such a beautiful young lady.  For her grad gift we got her a tree necklace she had been wanting and with it we wrote some words of affirmation over her embedded in one of her favorite scriptures ~ Psalms 1.  What a lovely daughter, growing like a tree planted by rivers of living water, roots going deep and bearing beautiful fruit.  That, for sure, is our Destiny Hope.

 "Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on His law day and night.  That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither, whatever they do prospers . . . For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous."  ~ Psalm 1

Women on the Frontlines 2016

I want to invite you to attend or webcast an event that I love every year - Women on the Frontlines World Convention 2016.

http://www.xpministries.com/event/wofl-2016-scottsdale/

This year my daughter Destiny and I will be sharing for a bit during the Saturday afternoon session.  At this event, women are championed and empowered to be on the Fronlines in the Kingdom of God in whatever God has called them to.  I always love hearing Patricia King and Heidi Baker speak (along with so many more) and this year Miranda Nelson will be sharing, who with her husband have been instrumental in the move of God happening in San Diego.  If you can come, be sure to look me up at the registration or partners table at the beginning - otherwise webcast the event - it will be worth it!!


Video of WOFL World Convention

Arise

I would like to invite you to read an article of mine that was featured in Arise Magazine for women.  This article is cut and shortened from a chapter I wrote for a book soon to be released by Patricia King on taking back the "Family Mountain" in society.

www.xpmedia.com/arise

This article is raw and real. It is  the story of my walk through marriage betrayal in a very short snippet.  My husband championed me to write the chapter when I pulled away from it.  He was my editor of all drafts and fully supportive.  There are a few details that in the moving from the book to the magazine that were edited a bit incorrectly (I was in Cambodia at the time).  One being, that my husband was not the only man I dated - I wish!! :-) But he was the only man I dated seriously in a five year period prior to marriage when I only dated in friendship and focused on Jesus being my husband.

God is for marriage!   He is for us, fighting for what He intended to be a picture of intimacy, with us and Him.  I can now speak from experience that when a marriage is pure and functioning even a fraction of what God intended it to be - we are a force of terror in satan's camp.  There is a reason why satan has targeted marriage and family.  It is a foundation of society.

I only hope that in writing this chapter it fortifies others to hold onto Jesus tightly in marriage unfaithfulness (or other life crisis) and know they are not alone.  My story is my walk.  It is not a blueprint for marriage crisis.  Everyone has their own journey and has to hear from Father God personally how to navigate unfaithfulness, addiction, abuse or suffering.   I can honestly say, I learned to not judge divorce and what was happening behind closed doors as we just never know unless that couple has pulled us into their inner sanctum.  But, I can say, all of us have the invitation to love deeper and love stronger no matter what the outcome.

Success

Randee & Nita Hard at Work on Presentation

I am happy to report (from previous blog post) that our Sex Trafficking Presentation was a success. We rocked it with nine classes last week.  We say that it's worth the time and effort if we can

even save one life.  Well, one life has already come forward, it is believed directly related to our presentation, and been saved.   We received great affirmation from school district superintendent, principal and school counselor.  Randee and I are so thankful to be educating the kids on this modern day slavery.  This week a sex trafficking ring was uncovered in Phoenix with girls being brought from

Thailand.  This is a modern day slavery that is heart breaking.  Thanks for your support and affirmation of this project. :-)  We are looking towards the coming school year with focused attention on bringing something solid in education to our middle schools in Arizona.  We are excited to be networking in the future days with city officials, superintendents and school administrators, county and sheriff departments,  to raise awareness among our teens.  Stay tuned for more updates coming this fall . . .